Social emotional

Social emotional skills are important to build healthy relationships—with others and self! They help children learn to manage their own emotions and practice empathy, cooperate with others, problem solve, make appropriate decisions and gain confidence. These skills start right from birth. The caregivers in an infant’s life will help them know and understand feelings from the very beginning. Research also shows a literal difference in the brain when individuals have proper social-emotional education and development (Bredekamp, 2019, p. 24).

These are the primary emotions.

Secondary emotions are then linked to these 8 primary emotions. They are learned from experience. Our reactions impact the development of children's emotional intelligence. If we are not careful with our reactions, it can negatively influence the development. For example, if a child has a meltdown and the adult goes straight to punishing, the child may feel very anxious the next time they are angry. Inappropriate behavior or reaction can be because the emotions are simply not developed yet, or the child does not have the appropriate strategies.

Infants (birth - 1 year)

Typical Skills & Milestones

  • Show happy, fear and anger facial expressions

  • React with a smile to voices, touch and smells

  • Learn through caregiver's response and feedback

  • Develop trust (when nurtured properly)

  • Eye contact

  • Imitates facial expressions

  • Stranger anxiety (around 7-9 months)

How to support growth?

  • Provide physical comfort and affection

  • Hold baby while feeding, make eye contact, talk

  • Talk all day about what you are doing, what you see, etc.

  • Provide positive responses

  • Acknowledge emotion and name the feeling verbally

  • Keep daily routines

  • Read & Sing

Toddler (1 year - 2 years)

Typical Skills & Milestones

  • Points, waves, plays peek-a-boo

  • Shows empathy

  • Plays with others (or near others)-- pretend play and parallel play

  • Has strong emotions (but still can't fully express each in appropriate ways)

  • Look to adults to model

  • Shows confidence, pride and self-control

  • Can be defiant and want independence

  • Copies others

  • Shows affection toward friends

  • Shows a variety of emotions

How to support growth?

  • Interact! Do finger plays, read, sing, play

  • Encourage curiosity and independence

  • Be the calm in their storm--offer comfort. Let them know feelings are valid.

  • Set clear and consistent limits

  • Help identify feelings

  • Plenty of praise and encouragement

  • Model empathy

  • Play social and turn taking games

Preschool (3 years - 5 years)

Typical Skills & Milestones

  • Identifying own emotions and appropriate strategies

  • Controlling impulses

  • Testing limits (relies on adults for expectations and guidance)

  • Plays cooperatively and with imagination (takes turns and shares)

  • Cooperating in play, create rules, working together toward a common goal

  • Use words to communicate feelings (less whining and screaming)

  • Develops friendships

  • Understands others feelings

How to support growth?

  • Develop trust

  • Give full attention when talking or playing

  • Provide opportunities to play, imagine and create

  • Identify and talk about your feelings and feelings of characters in books

  • Give plenty of praise--look for the good!

  • Validate and accept all feelings (and then give positive feedback when they express them correctly and use appropriate strategies)

grounding technique

When children are overwhelmed with a big feeling, they are not able to clearly listen or comprehend. We need to "calm the storm" before talking about the situation or problem solving. How? Distraction and grounding. Help the child use their brain to think about something other than their focus of their big feeling. What do you see? Can you tell me what is blue in this room? Take a big breath and now listen...what can we hear?

L.R. Knost — 'When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.'

Calm down corner

Another strategy is to create a spot in your child's room, or in your house, where children can go to get in control of their feelings and calm down. This place should be comfortable, a bit isolated and provide visual and physical cues of calming strategies.

You can even work together to create this space (when your child is in a calm, happy mood). You can also make a "calm down box" together. Ask your child what kinds of strategies work for them, what kind of materials they like, and what kinds of things make them happy. You can get a small container and fill it with some of these items. Many of these things you probably already have or can be found at dollar stores.

stress balls

Fill a balloon with:

rice, play doh, sand, beads, cornstarch, flour, water beads, pom pom balls

FLIP IT is a strategy developed to help challenging behaviors by supporting and building children’s social and emotional development. The 4 steps are easy to remember and help in many situations. When you “FLIP” children consistently, they become more emotionally aware and learn to work through their emotions and problems on their own. The ultimate goal is to develop healthy coping skills in children that will last them their whole life.

  • Validate all feelings

  • Identify what you see and hear

  • Help identify root feeling causing the behavior

Infants: Label feelings, Read feelings books

"I see your tears! You must be feeling so sad."

Toddlers: Explain feelings, Match feeling faces, Utilize mirrors, Talk about feelings of characters in books

"Your face looks angry and I see your feet stomping. I would be angry if my friend took my toy, too!"

Preschool: Identify feelings in books, identifies own feelings, verbalizes feelings of self and others


"What's that look for?

I am sad because I wanted the red cup.

Oh, I like red too. I understand how that makes you sad"

  • Set clear limits & expectations

  • Positively worded

  • Simple, based on familiar rules

Infants: Set very simple rules and begin to verbalize and show limits

"My job is to keep you clean. I will change your diaper fast and we will be all done!"

Toddlers: Review rules and expectations often, be consistent

""We use nice hands with each other"

Preschool: Continue to review limits and follow through consistently

"Even when we are feeling so sad, we do not shout."

  • Ask open ended questions

  • Help to problem solve


Infants: Talk through questions and problem solving

"How about we sing a song while I change your diaper! You love Old MacDonald"

Toddlers: Work together through problem solving

"Instead of hitting, how can we get your toy back?"

Preschool: Learns and gains self-control for future situations

"Is that an inside voice? What words could you use? "

  • Provide cues or suggestions

  • Empathize

  • Be enthusiastic and encouraging

Toddlers: Redirect and help find a strategy or answer, use visuals and nonverbal communication

"I will come with you to talk to your friend. We can take him another truck and ask for yours back."

Preschool: Role model, offer help and encourage to carry out strategy

"I am standing right next to you so there's no need to shout. Think about your manner words. I know red was your first choice, but since they are all gone, what would your second choice be?"

FLIP it Tips

  • Hold in the “F”eelings as long as needed. The child needs to know they are heard and understood. Validate the feeling!

  • It is possible you will need to continue to readdress the feeling throughout the L-I-P

  • Consistency is key

  • Always remember: Feelings First! You could FLOP if you respond to the behavior first, instead of the feeling first.